You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube ...
~Amy Ursitti
I mulled the proper response to the whole "Tropic Thunder" controversy over and over in my Autism Mommy head this morning as I drove Jack to school.
I didn't want my response to be the predictable raging mother thing. There will be plenty of that to go around. On the flip side, the whole sob story/ violins swelling in the background approach didn't feel right either.
And then it dawned on me that the video camera was in my purse. So, as my little "retard" waited in the car line with all of the other little "retards" who have to go to school year-round while their typical peers go to camp and sleep in, I filmed him. I thought maybe the folks at Dreamworks and my comic buddies Stiller, Black and Downey might want to take just a moment to hear directly from one of their lucrative punch lines...
Here's the thing: I'm a fan of these guys. They're funny. They actually have raised funds and awareness in the past for organizations that help people with disabilities.
Good P.R. I guess...
Because, quite obviously, they just don't get it.
Using the word "retard" seventeen times in a movie whose target market is fourteen year-old boys, is tantamount to tossing the car keys to a drunk.
Hey guys. Why don't you just go ahead and publish Bulllying for Dummies while you're at it?
I know you're adorable and funny and all that... But an apologetic grin and shrug of the shoulders on Access Hollywood just doesn't cut it.
And seriously, do you think when you're in your golden years, you'll look back with pride about making a money via a film that mocks those with intellectual disabilities?
Do your moms think this is cool? Really?
So maybe you could take the advice of the late, last lecturer Dr. Randy Pausch, who defined the proper apology as having three crucial components. Dr. Pausch said it should go something like this:
1. What I did was wrong.
2. I feel badly that I hurt you.
3. How can I make this better?.
I'll help you out with number 3. Write a big check to Special Olympics. Go on the network news and apologize. Start a campaign that promotes the inclusion of individuals with disabilities. Oh and while you're at it, donate all the potential DVD sale proceeds to Special Olympics too.
I know you didn't mean it in a bad way...
But you can't put the toothpaste back in the tube. And you shouldn't exploit and demean those who can't really stand up for themselves. That's a great, big Autism Mommy no-no.
Now run along ... and never, ever let it happen again.
***
For more information, please read Special Olympic Chairman Tim Shriver's commentary on why "Tropic Thunder" shouldn't be seen.
Most importantly, please join me in visiting the "Stop Using the R-Word" web site and pledge to respect and value people with intellectual disabilities.
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13 comments:
Judith, interesting video, your son is a cute kid. I truly wish the best for him.
Jonathan
Thanks so much Jonathan. We wish the best for you too..
He's singing along?! So sweet.
Jack is a huge Barenaked Ladies fan. He also jams to Chris Brown ... :)
It is time to grow up. The world is not a utopian world. Some one will say something to get you mad. Does that mean every time some one says the word "retard" he or she needs to fund the Special Olympics? Should I feel upset because three men are lead actors and I don't see a woman on the billboard? Do I need to have them fund a women’s right group now? Do I get upset every time some one says you throw like a girl? The answer to all of these are NO. It is time to grow up and move on. If you don't like something someone is saying then get over it. America needs to grow up and stop look for hand outs because someone with money said or did something you felt was offensive.
aah, and so .. we write.
no, nikki, we surely don't live in a utopian world, but we sure can get a hell of a lot closer than we are now, and we have a responsibility to our beautiful little barenaked ladies fans to try our damnedest to get there.
And that is exactly what I fear. One day I won't be here to protect Jack, who is unable to speak for or protect himself ... And people will think it's okay to call him "retard" or treat him disrespectfully ... because they think it's no big deal.
This mom can't/won't look the other way. It is my job to prepare Jack for the world...And do my damndest do prepare the world for Jack.
I must say I understand both points of view (Nikki's and Judith's). On the one hand, of course we need to protect our kids - with and without autism - from unfair, bullying or hurtful treatment.
On the other hand, it seems pretty clear to me that Ben Stiller and Co. are just out to make a silly comedy - and NOT intending to bully or hurt anyone. In fact, the movie is really a satire about the movie business, isn't it? Of course, it would have been better if they had NOT used the "r" word, or been insulting (and it really isn't necessary to do either to be funny!) - but my sense is that the film has nothing to do with our kids at all.
I worry that autism parents are beginning to get a bad reputation as the sort of folks who get bent out of shape awfully easily. I sometimes worry that the "mother lion" approach to advocacy may wind up turning otherwise supportive people against us...
Lisa Rudy
www.autism.about.com
I'm guessing the "dog eat dog" poster hasn't had their bald chemotherapy taking 5 year old stared down by other children in Target or her 5 year old with autism cry saying he has no friends, but I have a gut feeling she may be in St. Paul, MN, around Labor Day. :0) All the best to your family Judith!
Stephanie,
You win the prize for perspective. Thanks for sharing yours.
Thanks to everyone (well except maybe Nikki ...) for sharing theirs.
your son is so handsome. . .
Our world can be on the road towards utopia. We can't arrive too soon. Our local Middle School (i. e. 14 year old boys) has an Autism Speaks club and it's one of the most popular after school activities. . . So many kids helping so many kids.
thanks for the posting.
And that's what we like to see... kids helping kids. People helping people.
This is the best response to Tropic Thunder I've read so far - very balanced and rational.
Your son is adorable.
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